Distance
by Dlbn
Summary: Maybe if kept his true feelings secret, then he couldn't get hurt.


Dlbn: I do NOT own Loveless or any characters within it. They belong to Yun Kouga. The song isn't mine either. It belongs to Christina Perri, and it is called 'Distance'. I make NO money off of writing in this category or suing this song.

000

_The sun is filling up the room_

_And I can hear you dreaming_

_Do you feel the way I do right now?_

_I wish we would just give up_

_Cause the best part is falling_

_Call it anything but love_

When he first met Agatsuma Soubi, Aoyagi Ritsuka didn't know what to make of him. The elder male was quite tall and thin. He claimed that he was friends with Seimei, which was the only reason Ritsuka bothered to ask him to make memories in the park. If it was any other stranger, he would've just ignored him. After doing so, he almost wished that he _hadn't_ asked him to make memories together. Those weird people-Breathless-who had come to take him with them had brought a world of questions and problems that would only escalate over the months to follow. Although, to be honest, nothing had disturbed him more then when Soubi had talked about strength and stolen his first kiss afterwards. But Soubi couldn't love him, could he? They had only just met.

_And I will make sure to_

_Keep my distance_

_Say "I love you"_

_When you're not listening_

_How long can we keep this up?_

_Up_

_Up?_

Any time Soubi would say that he loved him, Ritsuka would tell him to shut up or to stop saying it because it was annoying. Not to mention the fact that he found out that his brother Seimei had ordered Soubi to love him. You couldn't love just because someone told you to! Love was a natural process! But even thought he knew it was lies, the more Soubi said it, the more he wanted to believe it. And he did believe it, at least part of him did. But it had to be a lie. Because love wasn't forced.

_And please don't stand so close to me_

_I'm having trouble breathing_

_I'm afraid of what you'll see right now_

_I give you everything I am_

_All my broken heart beats_

_Until I know you understand_

After all, there really wasn't anything in this world that could love someone like Ritsuka. His mother was supposed to love him, but all she did was beat him. Seimei was supposed to love him, but he was just using him at the moment. His father was supposed to love him, but he was either always drunk and passed out or never home. His other family members were supposed to love him, but they made extra effort to stay away for him and his family. He'd run into a cousin of his in Yokohama when he went with Yuiko, Yayoi, and Shinonome-sensei (before Soubi and Kio had rudely crashed in the group), and she had run the opposite direction before his name even finished leaving his lips. So why would Soubi, who was supposed to love him because Seimei ordered it, love him? Everyone that was supposed to love him didn't, so Soubi couldn't be any different. No matter what he told himself, Ritsuka knew that it was a lie. Soubi said that he loved him, so he loved him. That's how it was…but still, there was always the possibility…

_And I will make sure to_

_Keep my distance_

_Say "I love you"_

_When you're not listening_

_How long can we keep this up?_

_Up_

_Up?_

The day that Soubi left with Seimei only proved that he didn't love Ritsuka. If he did love him, then he wouldn't have left him all alone again to get beaten by his mother; though she was considerably nicer when Yoji and Natsuo were at his house the day after Soubi left. But whether or not Soubi did love him, Ritsuka did have feelings for the blonde. Soubi was everything Seimei was supposed to be before he faked his death and fled. He was caring and dressed Ritsuka's wounds after his mother injured him. He picked him up from school and spent the day with him until his curfew rolled around. He made all kinds of memories with Ritsuka and brought him to strange new places. He even went out of his way to get a picture of a wild cat for him; and returned with the picture he had promised. Soubi was more of an older brother then Seimei was. But Ritsuka didn't want a brother. Seimei _was_ his brother. He wanted a friend, a lover…

_And I keep waiting_

_For you to take me_

_You keep waiting_

_To save what we have_

But although keeping his feelings secret seemed like the best way to go about things-as it kept himself from being hurt-it would end up being the thing to hurt him the most. And nothing made that more apparent then the day Soubi left with Seimei. Through his begging of the elder man to stay with him and not go with Seimei, Ritsuka couldn't bring his mouth to say the three little words that may have made Soubi turn around. So he just stood there late into the night, even when Soubi was gone and his curfew came and went, and cried. How could he let the love of his life just walk away like that without telling him how he felt? And what if Soubi never came back? Then he would never know how Ritsuka truly felt. To him, Ritsuka would just be another Seimei, another Ritsu. Someone who used him until he didn't need him anymore and just let him walk away to someone else. But this time, he was delivered from the hands of someone who would never hurt him or raise a hand at him, and into the hands of someone who knew nothing but slave work and abuse of his Fighter. And what if Soubi died fighting or completing whatever orders Seimei had in store for him? Ritsuka would never forgive himself if he let Soubi go to the end of his life without knowing that there was someone out there who loved and cared about him. As far as he'd been told, Soubi had never known true love. He'd known lust from Ritsu and the love of parents, but nothing of real love like the kind Ritsuka felt for him.

_And I will make sure to_

_Keep my distance_

_Say "I love you"_

_When you're not listening_

_How long can we keep this up?_

_Up_

_Up?_

Maybe Soubi knew that Ritsuka loved him, and that's why he was able to walk away so easily; even when Ritsuka begged ad begged for him to not leave him alone. Because he knew that keeping those feelings locked up was killing Ritsuka but yet didn't want to force him to say anything that he wasn't ready to. When Ritsuka thought about it that way, he was able to put a smile on his face to fool the world and fall asleep at night. Maybe keeping distance between the two of them was Soubi's way of coping with something he didn't understand; the true feelings of a twelve year old boy. But maybe, one day, Soubi would come back to him. And then Ritsuka would finally be ready to tell him the truth.

_Make sure to keep my distance_

_Say "I love you"_

_When you're not listening_

_How long til we call this love? _

_Love_

_Love?_

"_**Soubi, I love you."**_


End file.
